Dried with laundered microfiber cloth.

You don’t use fabric softener or dryer sheets, do you? If you do, your cloth has a layer of wax on it that acts as a release agent on your bed.

If you use paper towels to clean your bed: Do your paper towels feel ‘papery’? If not they might be waxed.

If you use reusable towels to clean your bed: Do you use fabric softener? Don’t.

I’ll second the thrift store suggestion. I picked up a Samsung BD-H5100 bluray player at the local FreeGreek for $5 and it has been nice to just pop a disc in and not worry about all the streaming shenanigans.

I’d say you might as well look for a bluray player. Second hand bluray discs are some times cheaper than the DVDs and sometimes the quality bump is nice. IMO, 4k bluray isn’t worth it. I’ve watched a few 4k blurays and while I can tell there’s a difference I’ve never felt myself missing the extra quality when watching a normal bluray.

Another option to consider is an old game console. Anything back to the ps3 has a bluray drive. (Though, not the xbox360, iirc? Also at one point Microsoft forced you to make an account and buy a license to watch blurays, so make sure that’s not a thing for any game console you consider.) And I know at least the ps3 had an official remote you could buy so you didn’t have to use a controller.

From a privacy perspective, all your options are the same as long as you don’t connect whatever you get to the internet.

3. FOR PURPOSES OF THIS SECTION, “THREE-DIMENSIONAL PRINTER” MEANS A COMPUTER OR COMPUTER-DRIVEN MACHINE OR DEVICE CAPABLE OF PRODUCING A THREE-DIMENSIONAL OBJECT FROM A DIGITAL MODEL

Well, that’s a broad definition. I guess to whomever wrote that, a CNC mill is also a 3d printer.